WHY THERE WILL NEVER BE A JEWISH ASTRONAUT

“Hi, Mom? I have some big news for you. I’ve finally decided what I want to do with my life. I want to be an astronaut.”

--“An astronaut, tahkeh? What, there’s not enough room on this planet? It’s not good enough for my little pisher?”

“Mom, I’ve really given a lot of thought to this.”

--“Oh, so you’ve given a lot of thought to this, have you? You have to go galavanting around on some other planet like some meshugeneh?”

“You don’t understand, Mom, the universe is so vast…”

--“Listen, tatteleh. I’ve seen space and let me tell you, it’s no big megillah. It’s gornisht!”

“But who knows what’s waiting for us out there?”

--“Whoever they are, they’re probably a bunch of anti-semites.”

“I really feel that this is my destiny, Mom.”

--“So let me get this straight. You can’t make time to call your Aunt Louise, but you can find the time to go in space and make in your pants? Feh!”

“Hmm. I never thought about the defecation part…”

--“You know what, abi gezunt! That’s why you have a mother, to remind you about what’s important. Now go call your aunt. I have to go now; the ‘Wheel’ is on and a nice Jewish boy has won three times in a row.”