AN INTERVIEW WITH “AMERICA’S IDLE” HOST SIMON FOWL

Fun With Chickens recently sat down for tea and cynicism with Simon Fowl, host of the hit amateur reality unscripted karaoke show, “America’s Idle.”

Fowl stopped by the Fun With Chickens mega-studio/mini-mall/dumpster to discuss the upcoming debut of his identical new show, “The Egg Factor,” and to make us feel inadequate about our own income.

Fun With Chickens: The current season of “America’s Idle” began, as always, with a series of auditions. Don’t you feel that you are just humiliating illiterate inbred Southerners and clueless others who have no talent?

Simon Fowl: Absolutely not. We are simply exploiting crackers with bad teeth and terrible voices. It’s win-win-win: They get to ruin their lives on TV, the audience gets to feel superior, and I make $45 million a season. Thank you, America!

FWC: Do you feel the show will suffer now that resident drug addict and synapse impaired Paula Eggdul has left?

Fowl: I feel that viewers only suffered when they had to look at Posh Spice for two hours. She looked like a dehydrated stalk of celery with pubic hair. By the way, it’s witty insults like that that earned me $45 million a season. What a great country! Beats Australia, or wherever the hell I’m from.

FWC: Some critics contend that the winners and finalists of “America’s Idle” really haven’t made a significant impact on popular music.

Fowl: I have to disagree. Clay Aiken is second only to the Banana Splits in changing pop music forever, and Adam Lambert is the most exciting breakthrough since I last checked my bank statement. Do you have any idea how much interest one can make each month on $45 million? Excuse me while I light my vaporizer with a twenty.

FWC: I understand your next show, “The Egg Factor,” is almost exactly like “America’s Idle.”

Fowl: “The Egg Factor” will be a completely new format. This time, the contestants will be humiliated in different categories. Plus, I will make much more than $45 million a season. Ka-ching!

FWC: Yet, some of your other shows have been failures: “Cupid,” “American Inventor,” “Celebrity Duets”…

Fowl: It depends on your definition of “failure.” I prefer to think of them as visionary experiments that still earned me a shitload of money. Believe me, those V-neck tee shirts are not cheap. But it’s a good look, don’t you think?

FWC: Finally, on a serious note, what are your feelings about the tragic situation in Haiti right now?

Fowl: I recommend that the people of Haiti do two things. First, change the name of your country, and please try to leave the word “hate” out of it this time. It’s not doing you any favors.

Secondly, the Haitians may be fine people, but they shouldn’t be pursuing singing as a career. I spotted one young woman on the telly last night wailing among the rocks and debris that used to be her home, and I must be honest, she was a little pitchy. Fortunately, I will never be in that situation, because I make $45 million a season. Good night, America!