WHAT TO YELL IN A CROWDED RESTAURANT IF SOMEONE IS TRYING TO BREAK UP WITH YOU

Note: These work best if you yell while standing up at the table and then storming out the door.

• Breaking up with a woman:
“I told you: I don’t date hermaphrodites!”
“I’m sorry, I just can’t be with someone who has a crush on Sean Hannity!”

•Breaking up with a goth girl:
“No, I will not go to the Taylor Swift concert with you!”
"You're on Team Edward? How about Team Eat Me?!"

•Breaking up with a dog:
“Yeah, well I least I don’t sniff my own feces!”
“Guess what: That bone I gave you last Christmas? Rubber!”
“Good luck on someday actually catching a squirrel!”

•Breaking up with a chicken:
“Just because you can only lay brown eggs, don’t get pissed at me!”
“Cluck off!”