IF GANDHI HAD BEEN JEWISH

One of Mohandas Gandhi’s followers has interrupted his 30-day fast with a telephone call.

“Peace be with you. This is Mohandas Gandhi speaking.”

--“Moishe, this is your mother.”

“Yes, my dear mother. Please just call me Gandhi, as my many followers do.”

--“Oh, mister big shot with the followers already? Listen, Gandala, what is this I hear, you’re not eating?”

“That is correct, mother. I am fasting so that I may spread the message of peace throughout the world.”

--“What happened to the kasha I sent you?”

“As I said, I am fasting so that others will hear my message.”

--“Listen, Aunt Sadie said she saw you in some sort of diaper. Is there a problem with your petzel?”

“No, mother.”

--“Then what exactly is that shmatteh you are wearing?”

“It is called a dhoti, mother. I made it myself with a spinning wheel.”

--“Oh, a spinning wheel. I see. And for this your father and I sent you to law school? Do you at least remember that you are Jewish?”

“Yes I am aware of that, mother. However, I am also a Christian, a Muslim, and a Buddhist."

--“Oy, Gandala, it’s a shanda for the goyim! Listen, your brother Yussell will come around with the car. I’m fixing a nice brisket tonight and your Aunt Sadie has some of your cousin’s old clothes that I’m sure will fit you fine.”