Best Bet for Sunday:
A television special entitled “The Truth About Easter” will be premiering Easter Sunday on CluckTV. Hosted by the late talk show host Larry King, the program focuses on famed Easterologist and poultry rights activist Doctor Moishe Peckerman. Here is an excerpt:
King: What problem do you have with Easter, Doctor?
Peckerman: First, we have an animal known as a “bunny,” that for some reason lays eggs all over the Christian world. As a scientist, Larry, I have seen many bunny fetuses. Let me tell you, they are twisted, vile, disgusting things—much like human babies—and not at all smooth, perfectly shaped, and full of wisdom like chicken eggs. And then, just to add another layer of perversity, these so-called eggs come out in various colors. Some of my interns report that they have actually seen stripes on eggs, but only in Fresno.
King: But, doctor, don’t the goyishe children color the eggs themselves?
Peckerman: I have done extensive research, watching numerous Easter cartoons, and in every one the eggs are already colored when the bunny creature distributes them.
King: I myself cannot read, but someone on my staff mentioned something about an Easter toy you saw that you found particularly disturbing.
Peckerman: This was in a Target ad, which we all know is an anti-poultry organization. The toy being advertised was called “Cluckers.” It was, I kid you not, a wind-up chicken that lays jellybeans while it walks!
King: My God!
Peckerman: This is wrong on so many levels. And I won’t even go into the whole “ham” controversy, which according to my research comes from pigs—not chickens, not bunnies. It makes no sense, I tell you.
King: And yet, despite all these inaccuracies, gentiles the world over continue to celebrate Easter. To what do you attribute this, Doctor?
Peckerman: Larry, I have concluded there can only be one reasonable answer to that: radiated spores from outer space. Either that or zombies.
To see more of “The Truth About Easter,” be sure to check your local UHF listings for station and time zone. Not available in Greenwich Mean Time.