I already have my opening speech prepared for the first day of teaching summer school this year.
“OK students, before we start let’s take a minute and hope that God is looking down on us all on this first day of summer school and is going to guide us through this experience.”
I will then look to the skies and after a dramatic pause, when all is silent, make a little muffled whispery noise out of the side of my mouth.
(Looking around, amazed and wide-eyed.) “Wait a minute. Did you hear that?”
More whispery noise.
“That sounded kind of like a kitten, but all the kittens around here were killed a long time ago.”
“You know what? I think that’s God. He is looking down on us! Shhh, let’s listen.”
“What’s that, God? You are watching over us? And you have some thoughts for us?”
“Oh, I see. Yes, God, I will pass on your words.”
(Back to addressing the students levelly.) “God told me that you all losers better fucking pass summer school.”