REASONS TO NOT BE THANKFUL

• One of Adam Lambert’s dancers stuck his face in the singer’s crotch during a performance on the American Music Awards.

• Adam Lambert was on the American Music Awards.

• “Mad Men” Season 3 ended.

• There is a nationwide shortage of Eggos, the delicious frozen waffle treat.

• Sarah Palin’s book is #1 on Amazon.com

• Law enforcement officials could sniff out a Canoga Park pot warehouse, but didn’t notice the sex compound in Philip Garrido’s backyard.

• L.A. teachers: 12% pay cut?

• This guy at work still has a Howard Dean and a John Kerry bumper sticker on his car—and it drives me crazy every time I see it.

• The older I get, the more often I fart.

• One day, chickens may no longer be fun.

THINGS WE CAN ALL AGREE ON (can’t we?)

• When someone describes something as being “phenomenal,” it never really is. (A colleague once actually told me that the entertainment on her cruise ship was “phenomenal.” Uh, yeah.)

• Nobody over the age of 10 should ever use the phrases, “Sweet!” or “You rock!”

• At lease once during any meeting in any workplace, someone will say either (a) “Why reinvent the wheel?” or (b) “At the end of the day…”

• Hairdressers and barbers always have the worst hairdos and haircuts, just as people who work at cosmetic counters or beauty supply stores always have the worst makeup.

• We already know who will win “The Biggest Loser.” It will be the one who loses the most weight. (Oops, spoiler alert!)

• Approximately 75% of plays that win the Tony suck.

• Approximately 75% of books that win the Pulitzer Prize suck.

• Nobody—that’s right, nobody—looks good in a sleeveless shirt.*

(* This comment provided by Sleeve Makers Union, Local 17, 33/34.)