Sunday, January 2, 2011
MY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
• No more high-fiving of any kind. I actually saw two women high-five each other because they both got their periods on the same day. Kind of takes away the whole meaning of the high-five, don’t you think?
• Eat more Nutella.
• Determine once and for all if Ricky Martin and Elton John are gay.
• Perfect Aunt Flossie’s kasha recipe.
• Stop going to Best Buy, rearranging the DVDs, and then complaining to the manager that they are disorganized.
• Try to understand why receptionists at spas and massage parlors are always so tense.
• Avoid using the phrase, “There you go.”
• Transition from having fun only with chicken parts to having fun with the entire chicken.
• More licking.